Tag Archives: letting go

What If the Dead Came Back?

Last night, I saw a promo for an upcoming TV show called Resurrection.  From what I can tell, it poses the question, “What if someone who died came back?”

The promo featured people aghast at this chance for a do-over.  I’m sure the show is going to go all murder-victim-comes-back-to-freak-out-their-killer at some point, but the basic premise looks pretty cool.

What would you do if someone you loved returned from the Other Side?  What would you tell them?  What would you do differently from when they were alive (the first time)?

One of the most frequent concerns I get during a sitting involves regret.

“Does she know how much I miss her?”

“Does he know I’m sorry?”

“I wish I could tell him I love him.”

In the case of this TV show, the characters get a chance for some face-to-face reconciliation.  I suspect this would be the optimal scenario for most of us – to have them here, in front of us, to say all those things that were left unsaid.

The thing is, even in spirit form, they DO hear us.  Plenty of clients say to me, “Tell them (fill in the blank).”  And I’m like, “You just told them yourself.”

If you’ve come to some kind of enlightenment about a thorny relationship, a new perspective on a situation, or just want to feel the presence again of someone you miss, try this:

Close your eyes and focus on settling your breathing.  As you relax, picture a beautiful bridge,  You’re standing on one end, and at the other, the person you want to talk to.  Imagine the both of you walking towards the center of the bridge.  As you meet in the middle, take a moment to look at them and see how wonderfully happy and healthy they look.

Take their hands.  Now tell them what’s on your mind.  Feel their love around you as you speak, and know that they are hearing every word.  Notice if they say anything back  (they may or may not, it doesn’t matter).

Once you’re done, thank them for coming and watch as they return to their side of the bridge.

Over the next few days, watch for “signs” that you were heard.

The point is, while we may not necessarily be able to see and hear those on the Other Side, they can see and hear us.  Use that knowledge to say all that was left unsaid while they were here.

th

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How Your Future Shows Up

So I’m laying out the cards, and I see a change coming.  A new job, new lover, a shift in living situation.  Something awesome and positive.  But then the client leans across the table and starts reciting how they expect their new lover, new job, new fill-in-the-blank to appear.

“Well, I know someone who knows someone like that, and we met at a party last year, so I think its him….” [ It’s not].

“So OK,  my boss is talking about retiring which will make a space for me to move up, so then Sheila will probably go to Accounts Payable and then.….” [Wrong again].

I get it.  We all want a super-clear path to our future, one with no pholes, stoplights or tacky tourist traps.

Like this.

Like this.

I’m happy to oblige as best I can, but most of the times when I read, I see the destination with a fuzzy glow around it.  This is a reminder that the details of how something will manifest have yet to be fully determined.

And the more we cling to our own version of the details, the more we narrow the path to getting there and block out some pretty kickass options.

Years ago, my friend and I were first learning about Creative Visualization.  One of the key tenets is to get very detailed about what you want.   She wanted a new boyfriend, so she wrote down everything – and I mean everything – that she desired.  Four pages worth.  Back and front.

It was a little like this.

It was a little like this.

I’m all for having a clear vision – but too many details or expectations can drag it down.

To me, drilling down to the core of what you want simplifies that process.  And to get to that essence, think about how you want to feel with that thing/goal/person in your life.

Feelings are like lighter fluid to a dream.

Get cookin' on your dream -- and make it well-done.

Get cookin’ on your dream — and make it well-done.

Experiencing the emotion of a goal provides a potent, simple beacon that helps the Universe bring it your way. Conversely, trying to maintain a million details in your head only mucks up the works.  It’s like herding cats.

My girlfriend could have made her man-hunting job way easier by thinking about how she wanted to feel in that new relationship: safe, loved, appreciated for her wicked sense of humor.  Maybe the brown hair, build like Jean Claude Van Damme and penchant for collecting African art wouldn’t be so important if she got the emotional outcome that she wanted.

My philosophy is, you don’t have to do all the heavy lifting alone; keep the simple essence in mind, gently hold onto the feeling and let the Universe meet you halfway.  Let it surprise you.

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This requires letting go of the handlebars.   Remember how scary that felt?  But when you did, and the bike flew along on its own, it was a total rush.  And you got where you were going having had a whole lot more fun.

Got questions of your own?  Hit me up at the website.

th

Talk to the Bubble…

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve kept a journal.  From high school through my early adulthood, I spent hours filling dozens of spiral notebooks with every random event, meaningful song lyric and painful moment.  It was my comfort, my friend, my addiction.  And as I moved out of the dorm, into my first apartment(s), I carted them all around in a couple of plastic milk crates.

A few years ago, when I was packing to move again, I randomly pulled out a few of those spiral notebooks, sat down and had a good read.  The pain of my college years leapt off the pages and brought back a ton of memories (OK, I was a bit of a drama queen).  It was hard reading them, realizing how sad and frustrated I had been.  After a couple hours, I realized that I had been carrying pain around with me.  Literally.  So I dragged those crates downstairs and threw just about every one of my journals in the dumpster (I kept a few for laughs, because nothing makes you glad to be older than reading your 16-year old self. Holy crap).

For me, that was a liberating moment.  I never realized how attached I’d become to those notebooks, fearing that if I didn’t have them with me, I’d somehow “forget” my life.  That ceremonial dumping made me realize that I didn’t need those painful reminders — I had lived through them.  Constantly hanging on was not going to serve me.

So I let go.

Those journals were tangible baggage.  But what are you carting around from the past that no longer does anything for you?   How many milk crates are taking up space in your head?

That's a lot of space that could be put to better use...

That’s a lot of space that could be put to better use…

There’s a great exercise that I just discovered to help free yourself of any situation, painful memory, person or whatever is putting a negative splotch on your life:

1)  Picture that person/situation/thing in your mind’s eye.  And here’s the key thing — remain unemotional about it.  Emotion is like sugar to a toddler; it amps up the energy and makes it hard to manage.

Yup, I knew that Ring Ding was a bad idea....

Yup, I knew that Ring Ding was a bad idea….

If the thought of that bad breakup still makes you start clenching up inside, take a moment to breathe.  Now try again.  Maybe make them/it appear like a static picture.  Once you have the image in your head, put it in a bubble of white light.  Call this Part A.

2) Put an image of yourself in a bubble of light, too.  Again, remain unemotional about it.  It’s just a picture of you (aren’t you glad you combed your hair?)  This is Part B.

3) Bring the A and B bubbles together,and attach them within a figure eight.

Like this....

Like this….

4) Now, imagine you’ve got a big pair of scissors and you cut the figure in half, letting Part A just float away, softly, into the light.

Up, up and away....!

Up, up and away….!

I heard of a woman who used this exercise to keep her neighbor — whom she liked — from incessantly playing the piano.  She didn’t know how to tactfully ask him not to practice, so she “released” the image of the neighbor playing….and guess what?  The neighbor suddenly curtailed his sessions dramatically.  And no cops had to be called!

Now, with some things, it may take you a couple attempts to really feel like you’ve rid yourself of its past influence and gotten it out of your energetic field.  You may run into your ex unexpectedly and have a setback.  Just do the exercise again.  I guarantee that with each attempt, their power over you will be dramatically reduced; and when you see your ex with their new honey, you’ll be able to be all cool and calm…and not want to put a shiv in their side.

I’d love to hear how this worked for you, so hit me up in the Comments section….

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else:
you are the one who gets burned.”  Buddha