Tag Archives: how to change

How — and When — Change Really Happens

Her email was all in caps: HELP! I’M TRYING TO CHANGE, BUT DON’T SEE ANYTHING HAPPENING!!!! (Yeah, that made my head hurt, too.)

This client is not alone. Lately, I’ve had a run on folks coming by who are trying their damndest to make a shift – but the results don’t seem to be following. It’s super-frustrating.

Most of us think “change” is like a vending machine: we put our intention in, so we should get an instant payoff. Wouldn’t that be great? But the reality is, we feel like our intention is a stuck bag of potato chips. Hate when that happens.


What I frequently see is that the payoff is closer than we realize. We just have to keep on truckin’. That’s what the Universe asks us to do: keep walking.   Have some faith. Because with each step we take, the Powers That Be take one towards us.

I’ve seen this happen time and again: we think that we have to do it all, but the truth is, we have partners. And when we show the tiniest bit of willingness to move ahead on our path, we get an assist. Our spirit guides, the angels, loved ones on the Other Side….these are just a few of the entities available to us to help us fulfill our mission here  [the rule is, though, you have to ask them for help. Even if you’re not sure what kind of “help” you need,  just send out a generic 911 call.  Then watch for signs that you’ve been heard.]


I also think our idea of “results” needs to shift. Our society encourages the notion of “overnight success,” “instant this” and “instant that.” But successful change is a process. It’s not one moment, but a bunch of them.   If Jeannie could blink and make it happen all at once, that would be cheating (remember how many problems her “help” caused for Major Nelson?  Am I dating myself?)


The Moon card in the Tarot is all about this. You can’t see a foot in front of you in the dark. It’s all kinds of scary (hence, the yapping dogs). But in order to get out of that spooky forest you need to keep pushing through. If you just sit down and curl up in a ball, that’s how you’ll stay.


Be brave. Even when you can’t see the results yet, keep working it.   Keep the finishing line in mind. All of a sudden, you’ll come around the corner – and there it will be.

If I can help you push past some obstacles and stay on the path, get in touch.  In the meantime, sing us out, Bono.



The Super-Easy Trick to Positive Change

I had a client here the other day who broke down sobbing. She wanted to change things in her life. Not unusual. That’s why most people come for a reading.

But the reason she was crying was that she was overwhelmed. Because she wanted to change EVERYTHING. All at once.

At a certain point in our lives, we take a look around and realize that some things aren’t quite what we hoped for. The career we once craved has become boring. The relationship that once made our hearts tingle has become “meh.” Daily life is just about getting through our “to do” list.   That quiet dissatisfaction is a sign the Universe wants you to shake things up a little bit.

The look right before you decide to set the house on fire.

The look right before you decide to set the house on fire.

The thing about change is, we both want it and fear it. There’s something comforting about the familiar and the boring. We know how to “do” it. With our eyes closed.   The idea of changing jobs, ending a relationship, moving to a different city, whatever, freaks us out. As much as we know intellectually that our life could be richer and better, our gut clenches up at the thought of shaking up the status quo.

My client was crying because those red lights were going off in her head. She wanted to do too much at once and every stay-put instinct in her was making her wig out. I could see that there were better things lining up for her in the next few months – but she had to take advantage of that energy and move towards them.

We mapped out a plan to prioritize her “change” list. Instead of tackling everything, I looked at the one thing that would have the greatest impact overall.

By getting a better job 1) her financial situation would improve, allowing her to 2) move to a nicer apartment. And 3) because she wouldn’t be stressing over her bills and having to work a second job, she’d have more bandwidth available for a new relationship. See what I did there?

The next thing I had to do was to inspire her to make the moves necessary to make all that good stuff happen. The trick to faking out the Fear of Change response is: itty bitty, teeny weeny steps. So small that your freak-out reflex doesn’t even know its happening.

Breadcrumbs lead you where you need to be.

Breadcrumbs lead you where you need to be.

Take a look at the thing you need or want to change. Break it down into M&M sized pieces. Don’t tackle more than one of them a day. You want to go so slow that the fear never wakes up. No matter how tempted or motivated you are to do more, don’t. I can’t stress this enough: doing more is like poking the bear.


We are meant to do more and be more in this life we’ve been given. We chose to be here in human form. The dissatisfaction you feel is a sign its time to evolve to the next step of your journey. I’m a big believer that, if you make even the smallest effort, the Universe will meet you halfway. For each small step, the Universe makes one towards your goal, too. It’s your co-creator in change. You’ll be there before you know it. Get going.





Letting Go of the Past

It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter, hasn’t it?  Here in New Jersey, winter truly made us her bitch.  But before we know it, the snow will be gone, the grass growing and I’ll be elbow-deep in mulch and new plants again. The cold nights and biting winds will be in the past.  Thank the Lord.

It puts me in mind of this Tarot card.   I love it when this one turns up in a spread.  The Sun represents coming out of the dark and back into the light.  One is reborn, with the sunshine illuminating a fresh new path.


The Sun is about putting the past behind us, once and for all.  Notice that wall?  It’s keeping the past where it belongs, without it leaching through into the present moment.  Sunflowers represent a spiritual barrier, reminding us that the past has contributed to our growth, but it doesn’t need to keep influencing us.

See that kid riding nekkid?  That’s you, reborn.  Wheee!

I’ve had numerous clients fearful that their past will continue to determine their future possiblities.  They’re being held hostage by things that are overwith.  The past is like a nasty wad of gum on their shoe.


Take a moment to think about the issues in your life:  what still haunts you?  When you think of a problem, what’s your first thought about it (“I always do that….” “Ever since then, I’ve never had a good job…”  “I’m a loser when it comes to love”….”Mom always said I was [fill in the blank]….”

How often do those old echoes  come up during the day?  Really pay attention to your default thought process.   Make a note of everything that goes through your head, carrying a trace of the past.  When you catch yourself, write it down….then burn it.  See the past going up in smoke.  Literally.

Because the past is overwith.  Done.  Finito.  If you can see it as having taught you something, you can move forward in a stronger, clearer way.  The past does not have to define what comes next;  it can inform it in a smarter way, making the future that much smoother.


Take the lesson of the Sun card as we move into Spring.  And take my favorite Beatles song (well, one of them) as your soundtrack.     “It’s alright….”  [And remember, I‘m always here if you need a reading to see what’s on the horizon…]