I read a client the other night who was beyond frustrated at her dating situation. Just when she thought she’d met a great guy, he shut down on her about 2 weeks in. It was all going along so well, and then – pffft.
After her third smackdown, she asked, “Why does this keep happening to me?”
It’s mystifying and infuriating when something crappy keeps turning up again and again in your life. It’s like a sick joke. Here’s my take on it:
There’s a lesson you’re not getting.
It’s easy to lay the blame on the lousy partner, awful boss or your lifelong streak of “bad luck” — but that’s only half of the equation. When you keep winding up with the same results (or lack thereof), the Universe is putting a big, fat mirror up to your face and asking, “Yo, sweetie — why so dense?”
Every blotch on our life is telling us something. In the case of my Disappointed Dater, I got a “ping” from Spirit that she needed to find the common thread in her last four relationships (going back to her ex). At first, she didn’t see anything, but we pressed on. Turns out that every one of her guys was severely, emotionally limited. They could only go ‘so far’ before they armored up. They were great on the first few dates, but they burned hot and fast – and out. The “a-ha!” came when she realized that she and her ex only got together because he was unavailable a lot – and a part-time lover was all she could handle at the time.
So that’s what she continued to get.
The reading continued with us drilling down into how she was going to open herself up to a more complete relationship. Until she did that, she’d only attract guys who were, emotionally, about an inch deep. But if she was brave enough to look at her own role in this creation, she’d have the insights that would help her make different choices.
You can apply this same reasoning to literally everything that’s not quite right in your own life: a health situation (check out Louise Hay’’s wonderful books on the emotional connections to illness), your finances, your family. How are you setting booby-traps for yourself? What’s your role? When the same situation keeps presenting itself, the Universe is throwing a pop quiz your way. And it will keep coming until you turn the paper over and take the damn test.
The Judgement card in the Tarot is all about this. The angel is blowing the horn of awakening, and the people are rising from the dead. They have literally been reborn after enduring a tough lesson. Things are different, because they took a long, hard look in the mirror.
This may seem a little daunting or depressing, when we’re so accustomed to pointing the finger at outside circumstances. But really, that takes your power away, leaving those same “outside circumstances” in charge. Maybe Mr. Emotionally Frigid will get himself together or maybe he won’t. Maybe your boss will stop being such a tool or maybe he won’t. Maybe your finances will get better or maybe they won’t. You can keep waiting for the “other” to come around, or you can look at your part in the “why” (even if it’s the tiniest bit) and break the logjam.
The biggest part of the word “Blame” is “lame.” Stop focusing your frustration or anger outward and use that energy to see what you need to learn. It’s scary, but its also liberating. And you’ll finally pass the pop quiz.
I’d love to hear your comments about your own life. And remember to drop by my site, whenever.